Despite one of my new years resolutions being to write more, lets face it, 2020 hasn’t exactly turned out to be what any of us imagined it would. I have been dodging my laptop in fear of producing content that seems unimportant at such an unprecedented time, when many are going through some of the hardest times of their lives. So I thought the best way to get back into the swing of blogging again is to have an open therapy session with my laptop and of course you lot!
I am not even going to go in to how hard it is not seeing family, visiting our favourite places and staying home, because it isn’t hard. Hard is loosing people you love to something like this and we have a duty to do as we are bloody told to protect those we love. In a word, the whole situation is horrific, as an emotional person my heart actually hurts for every person who has been affected or lost a loved one. I remember when the death toll first hit 200 cases a day having a total blub, the thought of that many people missing a loved one was just heart-breaking, yet here we are, loosing so many more and although as sad as ever, I feel as if I am growing some kind of thick skin, almost a numbness to the daily figures. I can’t decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing? I have always been someone who over thinks every situation, struggles with a lack of control and sudden change. I truly feel that out of this god awful situation I am learning to let go, realise that sometimes there are some things that I have no control over and to live in the moment more- as cliché at that sounds.
Ahhhh the world of Instagram, influencers showing their mass online loungewear purchases, posts about online shopping to pass the lockdown time and a steady stream of affiliate links to high end skincare. I am not throwing shade on anyone, after all social media is some peoples only income and people need income more than ever right now. I have recently reached the big 10k followers and with this comes the opportunity to make some pocket money doing something I genuinely enjoy, I do however know that remaining conscious of the current climate will always be my top priority. Fact of the matter is that we are a single earner household and my husband has been furloughed due to the pandemic. There are ALWAYS going to be people worse off, I feel blessed that he has been furloughed and not made redundant, I feel equally blessed that we don’t have the worry of being self employed at this time. We are the lucky ones in this situation, but the cold hard facts still stand, that even with the government support of £2500 (before deductions) a month, it is significantly less than his usual monthly income and we are a family of five who have spent a year forking out every penny of our disposable income on a renovation. In short we are going to struggle over the next few months. We have had to take a Mortgage holiday and we have given ourselves a tight budget of £90 a week for food and spends, with these actions alone we are fortunate that our remaining bills will be paid and food will be on the table, but it goes without saying, there will be NO mass loungewear orders here.
Home Educating The Children
What a learning curve this has been. This is actually the thing I am finding is affecting my mental health most. Isabella is 10 going on 16 and often, my requests for her to get on with school work is met with rolling eyes and hunched shoulders. Sophia needs carrying through every single piece of work with an adult and up until my husband was furloughed, I was tackling this and my 3 year old wild child alone, while he worked from home. I am doing my best, I can promise that, but I can’t help but let feelings of doubt creep in that my best isn’t enough. I don’t think home learning is something we will ever fall in to a nice little routine of. As with every one of these unprecedented situations we are finding ourselves in, I am trying to concentrate on the things that I am grateful for and I am grateful that the children are at home, safe, well and spending quality time with us as a family….. oh and Gin…. big shout out to Gin.
I feel so much better for having a brain dump post and I truly hope that when I touch base again next month, the world is being kinder to everyone. I know there are people who will read this that are in a far worse situation than us and to you I send a huge virtual hug. If anyone ever wants a chat, you know where I am.